AUDITION MONOLOGUES

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You may be asked to read selections not listed here. These are really intended for our young or struggling readers. We want everyone to have the opportunity to put their best foot forward. If you or your child would like to read from these selections, please print out a copy and bring it with you to auditions.
Reading one or more of these selections does NOT restrict you to being cast in one of these parts.
 

1.

“The Herdman’s were the worst kids in the whole history of the world. They lied and stole and smoked cigars, even the girls, and talked dirty and cussed their teachers, and took the name of the Lord in vain and set fire to Fred Shoemaker’s old broken down tool house.

There were six of them-Ralph, Imogene, Leroy, Claude, Ollie, and Gladys-and they went through the Woodrow Wilson school like those South American fish that strip your bones clean. They went around town the same way-stealing things and tearing things up and whamming kids…so it was hard to get away from them. There was only one safe place; church.”

 

2.

“Then I tell them about Joseph, that he was God’s choice to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I explain that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend much time on Joseph because it’s always Elmer Hopkins, and he knows all about Mary and Joseph…

but I do explain about the Wise Men, and the shepherds and how important they are. And I tell them, there are no small parts, only small actors. Remind the angel choir not to stare at the audience, and don’t let them wear earrings and things like that. And don’t let them wear funky shoes or high heels. I just hope you don’t have too many baby angels, Grace, because they’ll be your biggest problem…”

 

3.
“Revenge at Bethlehem! The Herman’s thought the Christmas story came right out of the F.B.I. files! At least they picked out the right villain-it was Herod they wanted to gang up on and not the baby Jesus. But, the baby Jesus quit the pageant anyway. It was supposed to be Eugene Slouch, but Mrs. Slocum said she wasn’t going to let Imogene Herdman get her hands on him. So we didn’t have a baby Jesus, and that bothered my mother. She kept trying to scratch up a baby…even at the last rehearsal.”

 

4.

“I’ve been on the telephone all day, and I can’t make head or tails of it. Some people say they set fire to the ladies’ room. Some people say they set fire to the kitchen. Vera Wendleken says all they do is talk about sex and underwear. Well, the whole church is in an uproar. I don’t know…Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me,” but I’m not sure he meant the Herdman’s…Grace, don’t you think we should cancel the pageant?”